i feel like i’m having a mid-life crisis. this is truly it. it’s so blunt, so point blank, so finite. right there. there is just nothing more to it and this is the beginning to the rest. it doesn’t feel right, yet.

is it better to have the real and ugly or the fake and pleasant?

someone i had once met is in the hospital dying right now from cancer. all i hear right now is yelling. those two things just feel strange. life, does anyone truly understand it? same as death

Is it strange that I feel less stressed when I’m at Berkeley…just want to go home at this point

Was talking to parents till 5 am last night…interesting convo but turned morbid.

Sucks how things turned out, pretty sure we aren’t going to LA

My heart just hurts. I don’t think I’m ever going to see them again. You said life is short and to enjoy it now, but what are you doing.

I want my kids to grow up with a lot of family and friends around them. I don’t think that’s going to happen. Means I’ll just have to create my own family.

This medicine is fucking with my emotions so badly. Need to get off of it.

My dinner smells like dog food…oh god…what are they feeding us…

Pretty much forgot to eat today. huh. this semester/week just needs to end.

1 am, done with all papers except for rhetoric which is pretty good. Have 2 finals, need to study really hard. Need to ace them :/ mock Chem exam 4 sat, need to learn everything before then. Going kayaking on Sunday yay :D banquet tomorrow, hope I don’t see the guy…also dessert night woohoo. College in some ways can be one big party…if only we didn’t also have to take classes lol