January 2012
3 posts
i feel like i’m having a mid-life crisis. this is truly it. it’s so blunt, so point blank, so finite. right there. there is just nothing more to it and this is the beginning to the rest. it doesn’t feel right, yet.
is it better to have the real and ugly or the fake and pleasant?
someone i had once met is in the hospital dying right now from cancer. all i hear right now is yelling. those two things just feel strange. life, does anyone truly understand it? same as death
December 2011
8 posts
Is it strange that I feel less stressed when I’m at Berkeley…just want to go home at this point
Was talking to parents till 5 am last night…interesting convo but turned morbid.
Sucks how things turned out, pretty sure we aren’t going to LA
My heart just hurts. I don’t think I’m ever going to see them again. You said life is short and to enjoy it now, but what are you doing.
I want my kids to grow up with a lot of family and friends around them. I don’t think that’s going to happen. Means I’ll just have to create my own family.
This medicine is fucking with my emotions so badly. Need to get off of it.
My dinner smells like dog food…oh god…what are they feeding us…
Pretty much forgot to eat today. huh. this semester/week just needs to end.
1 am, done with all papers except for rhetoric which is pretty good. Have 2 finals, need to study really hard. Need to ace them :/ mock Chem exam 4 sat, need to learn everything before then. Going kayaking on Sunday yay :D banquet tomorrow, hope I don’t see the guy…also dessert night woohoo. College in some ways can be one big party…if only we didn’t also have to take...
i hate when people only talk to you when they want something. i’m fucking busy, maybe i fucking need things too, every thought of that?
November 2011
27 posts
I got what I always wanted. It’s been a long journey. Many people said it couldn’t be done. I am happy, but it hurts. Yet every step became worth it in the end. I am who I am because of it all, and it has only made me stronger.
As for the future, well, life is short.
I can’t stop crying
No one else could ever understand.
It is close to the end
I’m thankful for a lot of things, but right now especially for my bed/home, and family. I hope people from the fire are ok and will be able to manage.
What is there to be said.
so many mixed emotions. And then there are no emotions.
this just isn’t me. it’s not what i stand for. i feel like i’ve been working so hard for nothing. my stress level has never been so high, and i’ve taken harder courses before. it’s the expectations. it’s the pressure from literally all angles. and this isn’t like, if you want it bad enough and work for it you’ll get it. no, this is real world....
I actually like new iPhone updates…pretty neat stuff
don’t have to go to lab tomorrow :D = no 8 am class this week woot!
Interesting day…crepe bar at crossroads, had brunch with Tania (and saw Linnea :D), bearfest yay got henna and food and er yah…, went to my gsi’s study sess and brought Alexandra/Katie/Tiffany, was with them most of the day :D, shower then other GSI study sess…they were complete idiots…yah…, then didn’t do much since it was late and idk what else to...
it just kinda hurts…a dull distant pain….
My face looks like one big pimple. Pmsing badly and stressing, bad combo. 4 weeks left of the semester :/
Life is so fragile. So many lessons to be learned.
I’m sick…again…I have forgotten what it feels like not to be sick…
Bearfest tomorrow :D if I can wake up before 2 pm I might go lol mock midterm tomorrow too…should help. Last midterm, need to pretty...
I said never, but once again, life has only showed me never say never.
I feel sick now
Out of 35,000 people here…I just happened to run into my mentor I had never met before…I was just thinking about her too, weird.
Sometimes I cry before I sleep…I know a lot of other here people do too. the media should show that aspect of college.
yesterday was pretty crazy
helped at health connect, i truly love suitcase clinic. definitely found my niche in college, plan on sticking to it for all 4+ years.
tricia came back last night at 3:30 am, kinda drunk lol…was fun messing with her
woke up at 3 pm today cause of an earthquake…never gets old…
it’s pouring so badly, such a gloomy day :(
finished 7:30, 14.5 pages, perfect timing for sunset. the sky slowly turned a beautiful blue and then all of a sudden, the entire world was pink and purple. still mostly pink, it’s so beautiful, worth staying up for. and now to sleep the rest of the day :)
6:15….just one more section left, it’s the most difficult though…page 13….odds are will be up for the sunrise which should be interesting to see….
4 am…page 8.5 of lab report, finally at the results portion….
i’m tired but it’s more than sleep-related
looks like it’s going to be an all-nighter on a friday night..wtf…stupid lab…
the problem with the human race is that we have chosen to become too much of individuals. we always say it’s good to think for yourself, come up with who you are and what your own beliefs are. but essentially, aren’t we all the same? when we think differently, it has created racism, superiority complex, judgment, inequalities, prejudice which have caused various reactions such as the...
none of it matters. a homeless person can be as wealthy as i’ll ever be. all this unnecessary stress for what? i end up where everyone else does. to say one person is better than another is just such a pathetic statement. and yet, to hear its converse blasted at the protest yesterday was more of a joke than the statement itself.
to think physical bodies mean nothing and what’s within...
Protest was amazing. the stories made me cry, there was just so much irony all throughout…so much was happening.
midterm tomorrow gah. hope it’s easy :(
wind so strong here that my building/windows are shaking. actually think window is loose which scares the shit out of me since the windows makes up the majority of one side of the wall.
math midterm thursday…can’t really say i know what we’re doing in class…
Girl broke down today during lab cause she dropped her entire solution. Other people looked like they were going to cry cause of the telebears. People are stressing out…only about 4 more weeks of classes left…people are getting burned out cause of the competition.
October 2011
35 posts
i no longer see rhetoric as bullshit
it is the bullshit of bullshit.
this is why nothing gets done in the government
Been sleeping so late recently :(
I give up on rhetoric. End of story.
Berkeley has shown me that I love science.
Excited for this weekend. :)
i can’t tell you what it is, but it’s there. i’m not sure why
I’m getting creeped on by adults again…wtf…..not what I wanted to wake up to -____________-
i don’t think i believe everything has a purpose anymore. sure, in a way, everything has a reason, but I believe we are the ones that give purpose to things, including ourselves. i say this because i have no more of a purpose than you do. by the time i die, I will be one in about 155,500 who died IN THAT DAY. You are born a statistic, and die a statistic. In between, you have the option of...
I love being home, parents spoil me so much. Took me shopping and bought me stuff for the cold season. I’ve missed them/home :( though, I haven’t missed hs…going back felt so weird…mentally I just can’t go back now that I’ve experienced college, the maturity is just so different. I do miss certain people though.
Have missed my late night talks with my mom so...
Found it very ironic that the only part of my 90 min rhetoric class that I didn’t tune out was when the teachers were talking about when things are boring to the point that they are excruciatingly painful………..
anxiety. can’t sleep :(
So…failed midterm with everyone else…just found out this course is the harder than Orgo and harder than the MIT equivalent :| Anna and I tried finding answers for certain problems and even with the entire google database, there was nothing, so I guess I don’t feel as dumb anymore. on the brightside, got the highest score on lab report :D thank you narf and levy hehe
next...
Gsi let us out 2 hours early :D I told her I want to sleep instead of stay. gonna get a crepe first yum